The best ambition killer is to play someone else's game and worse yet - by their rules!
In my pre-yoga life, doing the 9-5 grind I remember that a friend had asked me: 'Who's giving you gold stars in life, and at what cost?'. A little perplexed by the question, she broke it down for me ...
- What are you getting approval for that is not serving you?
- Who is giving you approval that does not serve you?
- Why are you seeking this approval?
- What is this costing you?
- Who is giving you approval for earning X amount of dollars per week?
- What does this approval mean to you?
And if you're brain's in a little meltdown right now - hold tight.
The thing is the more and more we strive to please everyone - we end up pleasing NO ONE. And without a doubt you'll end up not pleasing yourself either, nor the people you love! #truth
The more we say "yes" to all of the wrong things, the more we get ourselves into the habit of saying "yes" in order to seek outside approval, and quite obviously from the wrong people.
What i'm trying to make you aware of is that, if you're willing to work on, focus on, strive to be something for someone (or the collective societies) approval - well maybe your life is a little bit more of an undirected, directionless mess than you think.
You're feeling really busy, like ridiculously busy! It's overwhelming and it's out of control, stress is a normal part of life and anxiety is rising. And let me guess, you've got not time to put yourself first and create a nourishing routine?! If that sounds like you, then you are being completely ineffective and your life is spiralling out of control.
You are most likely:
Seeking approval from all the WRONG places
Looking for the fast wins.
Trying to do it all - cause who asks for help?
Losing sight of your purpose and personal dreams day by day!
People pleasing is pretty draining, because we can’t keep up the mask forever.
In the end, relationships will become transactional and they break down. Why? Because it's being forced, it's not genuine. You’re not moving from a position of power or truth. You’re simply attempting to forge success.
The biggest hindrance to coming from this perspective is that the more we crave outside approval, we end up making impulsive and silly choices.
And I know what happens, although we feel life's overwhelming, out of control and directionless - we soothe our worries with the old "Next month will be different! I'm willing to change, change priorities. Things will start to shift and i'll start focusing one more time!"
Hmmm but to put it nicely - it ain't gonna happen!
You’ve got to shift, quite dramatically.
You have got to change the focus back to YOU.
But Dani how do I get back on track to me?
Glad you asked :P ...
- What do you NEED to get approval for doing?
- Who are the right people to get approval from?
- think mentors, coaches, people have it on track - not gossiping Susan or insignificant people.
- Who do you need to give approval to in your life?
- Who are the people, personally + professionally that really matter?
- What is your purpose and which people support it?
It’s so easy to fall into the old 'too busy' adage. But remember busy is not necessarily productive. Fact.
You need to start making progress.
I want you to have a vision and a purpose that is exciting, driving, and aligned with your values!
For you to wake up and be excited to see what you can achieve without faking it. I want the idea of making progress, learning and growth to seem desirable.
For planning and scheming ways to get to your dreams off the ground an absolute must!
And I can hear it now,
"I'm too busy to sit and make plans!"
Nope - do not lose sight of what matters! You should never be too busy to be able to sit in the silence to meditate, pray, and write down your thoughts and plans.
Breaking this down:
- Seek approval from the RIGHT PEOPLE
- Give approval to the right people
- Remove everything from your life that is impulsive
- Get back to your purpose
- Get back to planning and scheming
- Make it a game- make it fun!
- Make your work play again
- Be willing to fail
- Enjoy the work and activity in and of itself (not for what it will get you)
- Detach from immediate outcomes and refocus on your purpose
- Get back to the whimsy and play and fun of life
- Allow yourself to embrace the pain of growth and failure
- Embrace the curiosity of seeing how far you can go
Life becomes play when you’re living congruently. When you’re focusing on the right things and the right people.
When you’re putting first things first.
If you need help with purpose, visions and values my coaching program is all about getting people to realise and achieve their highest potential! Check out my coaching page for more information!
Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.